“A Moment of Truth.”
As usual, I've been reading the challenges of Fr. Richard Rohr over these past months. He referred to one of his colleagues who posed an introduction to a 30-day immersion in to a spiritual practice. Well, I love making these kinds of commitments. However, as this spiritual practice was being introduced, there was a 'call to honesty', as I have come to reflect upon it. Yes, I was called to a moment of truth.
The question was quite simple: “Why are you doing this?”
Well, my obvious, knee jerk answer was just as simple, “Because I want to deepen my spirituality.”
In a moment of silence, I recognized a fear within.
I paused further. The silence became deafening and over powering in fear.
This fear was real, because I have begun many projects in my life. I have failed at many of these projects. At this moment, I deeply experienced a fear of failure.
Here I go again! FEAR FEAR FEAR
I reflected on the number of times I have started something. Because I missed a day or two, I stopped in the exasperation of defeat, with an attitude of “Why bother? I'm failing again.”
There was another directive put forth during the introduction of this exercise: Begin or deepen your journaling practice. There were more specific instructions: “Examine your emotional response to this task.” Then, “Bring it before God.”
Now I was caught in my moment of honesty. Now I was asked to deepen my honesty and bring it before God, my Higher Power, and now to you.
In a moment of courage, I did this. I put my fears to paper, twice.
Simply, I fear failure. Yet, how many times have you heard me say that we should let our failures and mistakes be our teachers?
Right! I can't count that high either.
So, here I am with you and my higher power confessing my fears of failure. But, this gets better.
When I journal, I write my stuff out to God, my Higher Power. Then, I allow God to write back to me. I am believing that you would respond, like God, in the same words.
GREG, PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.
FOCUS ON MY MERCY, NOT YOUR FEAR.
Were you close? If you were in front of me, hearing of my fears, would you have given a similar response? I expect you would because I know how much you love me. This helps me experience how much God loves me.
So I will rest now, beside our restful waters.
I will hear your words.
I will embrace your love.
I will be still, and know that we are God.