"I have to live my own truth."
John and I were talking about the struggles and challenges of our recovery in light of the people in our lives. His comment reminded me that many of us, as we enter in to the freedom of sobriety, remain surrounded by those who have been severely hurt by our addictive behaviors. Yet, there is a painfully challenging time when our sobriety is new and strange to our loved ones. This often creates an anguishing period of apparent separation.
Last week, our focus thought was: "Until the world takes on an anguishing monotony, there is no desire to change." I found the three to five years leading up to the start of my recovery to be a period of anguishing monotony. It was a period of time when I hated what I was doing, I hated my addictive actions, yet continued them. I would not recognize the absence of control, and the unmanageable lifestyle that held me in my agony.
This is how my loved ones knew me. I was out of control and unmanageable. So the drastic change to sobriety was not only challenging and new to me, it was frightening to my loved ones. Over the first two to three years of my sobriety, there was a need for all of us to "find our truth" in and with each other. This was a monumental challenge. It was like dating all over again, only there were so many more people involved and effected. However, we were enmeshed in the life style of a sick relationship, living under the same roof or working in the same environment, and struggling to get to know each other again.
This was the first time in my life I went against the firmly expressed wishes of my wife. She expressed a deep fear of my addiction becoming public. However, I had to "live my truth", as John expressed it.
Today, we celebrate the impact and blessings of our willingness to break out of our anguishing monotony. My wife and I are celebrating the joy of our ongoing transformation. We are mindful not to take this transformation for granted. She offers blessed support to the 12th step opportunities that are both given and received within our community. Together, we deeply appreciate what others have given us as they shared their anguishing experience, strength and hope. They have given us courage to share our anguishing experience, strength and hope. Together, we continue a ripple of sobriety, the ripple of grace and peace born of our transformations.
Most of us know the transformation that creates the beauty of the butterfly. Each step of the transformation is necessary, yet not always beautiful. Yet, no matter where we are in the transformation process, we are growing our communities of grace and peace.
I take a few meditative breaths..............
I offer gratitude to the many faces of our Higher Power.
I know we will continue God's purpose for us as we share our transformation of truth.
We lift each other from shame to grace.