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Beside Restful Waters

"Until the world takes on an anguishing monotony, there is no desire to change."

Ananda Sangha

Ananda Sangha is discussing the Yoga Sutras as he expresses the thought above. Specifically, he is discussing Yoga Sutra 1:1.

And now begins the instruction on the practice of yoga.

And now!

Now, the present, a moment that which brings me to a willingness to allow instruction to begin. What is, what was my "now" moment? What was the moment that prepared me to all instruction to begin?

To many of us in recovery, there was a moment: an intervention, an ultimatum, a now moment that required our will to surrender to the instruction of recovery. We didn't just read a philosophical statement and open our hearts. At least I didn't. I had been instructed all of my life with commandments, scriptures, and stories of love and mercy. Yet, there was a "now moment' that ripped me open to the first step on a journey. Personally, there was that 'now moment' into which I stumbled. I didn't make a graceful, awe-inspiring first step. I stumbled into the door of my first meeting with guilt and shame, which the resistance of a fierce, c old wind.

Fr. Richard Rohr puts it this way:

"It is just too upending for most peoples' minds until they have personally undergone the radical experience of unearned love. Even then, it takes a lifetime to sink in."

It is taking me every moment of my 19 years of recovery to let me acknowledge your love for me, God's love for me in your embrace. I continue to struggle to wrap my mind around your unconditional love, and I struggle to somehow earn your grace.

There has never been anyone in any of my recovery groups that told me that I had to accomplish certain goals, demonstrate specific behaviors, or achieve a specific one of the 12 Steps to be welcomed into the embrace of our fellowship. In fact, it is when I have been struggling most intensely that the embrace has been the strongest. Yes, there are those 'now' moments when your love is in the form of a kick in my ass. However, we ultimately recognize these moments as the most profound acts of love.


Don't be afraid!

You are in the right place!

Do not be a


This is where we can rest together!

Do not be afraid!!!!!!!

This life is almost, almost too upending for my mind. In the shadows of my addiction, there are still the voices of self-condemnation, shame and guilt. But in your presence, the voices are drowned out by your embrace. Peace is within your embrace. Forgiveness is our mantra. Joy is our gift. Over and over you are there with me. Over and over, we are here with each other. Each day, with each personal encounter we can live:

"Now continues the instruction......on the practice of love."

Here, we meet again by these restful waters, practicing, knowing that perfection is not our intent. Resting and restoring the energy needed for our next embrace.


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