“Forgiveness is to let go of our hope for a different past.”
My trauma is in the past.
My addictive reaction to trauma was practiced in the past.
The anger of my trauma lives in my past.
The pain of my trauma is rooted in the past.
If only my past were different, I would not be a pain ridden, angry addict.
Reality check: I cannot change the past. My responsibility and accountability is now! My attachment to the past leaves my present unmanageable and out of control.”
Whom do I turn to?
I turn to my Higher Power. I turn to God.
“God is a mystery of relationship, and the truest relationship is love.” (Richard Rohr)
Wait a minute! My trauma was also rooted in relationship. How is it that both God and trauma are rooted in relationship? What is the difference?
When I made my first act of true spirituality, it was a cry for help. The answer came from people who were broken, just like me. Acceptance came from broken people who were accepted just like me. Forgiveness was granted by broken people who were forgiven, just like me.
Accountability was expected from broken people who were challenged, just like me. We are broken people whose anger, pain and broken spirit are rooted in the trauma of our past.
As we shared our experience, strength and hope, we came to realize that through the prayer of our 12 Step Program, grounded in the wisdom of our healing journey, sobriety was not just possible. Sobriety was our source of freedom.
Our freedom is grounded in love that speaks forgiveness, acceptance, accountability, and relationship. Our sobriety is the language of God. We, the broken, forgiven, accepted, and accountable, live the language of love. We live the language of God.
How do you experience your sobriety?
How do you experience your freedom?
With whom do you experience your broken spirit?
What is your hope?
Reality check: We cannot change our past. We can engage our present with other broken people who live to practice forgiveness, acceptance, and accountability with other broken people. If we know the Christian gospels, this is a very familiar theme. We are a church of broken people, willing to admit our brokenness, willing to share our brokenness, and willing to accept the grace of forgiveness, acceptance, accountability, and sobriety.
Here we are. In the presence of each other, we know the grace of God. In moments of stillness, we share the restful waters.
I am blessed to be here with you.