“Forgiveness given and forgiveness received are always the pure
work of uncreated grace.”
So, just for starters, define grace!
Personally, words reduce the experience to something other than an experience.
Words, for me, put grace in a box like an object. I control and manipulate an object. I cannot manipulate grace. I simply know grace when it happens. I don’t understand it, but I know the presence.
Uncreated God????? Higher Power????
I am coming to know grace as Divine evidence which I cannot explain.
I am coming to know grace as the transforming result of recovery. We do all this work with surrender, character inventories, will, and amends. Throughout this process, we are often plagued by expectations and fear of rejection, misunderstanding, and failure. With the persistent support of our recovery families and so many others, we come to a point of sharing a sense of sobriety which we cannot explain.
When I cannot explain, understand or control something, I panic. I am truly out of my comfort zone. How about you? Addictive using, manipulating, lying, and blaming define my comfort zone. Then in Step 3, we turn our lives and our will over to a Higher Power. The results cannot be explained, understood or controlled. Grace abounds.
Thus, I believe, we experience our first taste of uncreated grace.
The practice of meditation is, for me, a practice of surrender. I went through the motions for a long time without serious intent. However, the evidence of uncreated grace lets me know that my God takes an effort the size of a mustard seed and transforms it in to sobriety.
When I approach the process of making amends, nothing happens …………………………. Until I begin to forgive myself. For me, this is an ongoing practice because I am an addict. If you only knew this part of me?
Ha, Ha, Ha. (Visualize a loud, guttural belly laugh)
There is my God with Her unpredictable sense of humor. Whether I choose to admit it or not, She knows. She really knows me. I am forgiven in spite of myself.
So! I am learning to celebrate it in between the periods of shame and unworthiness.
I will continue the practice of being related to all of creation.
I will continue to practice recovery with my sponsor and my home group.
I will continue to practice meditation and yoga.
I will continue to practice life in the presence of you all.
At this particular moment, I am doing my happy dance. You are all there with me. We are dancing in the restful waters, splashing around like fools, high on sobriety.
Thanks for the dance.