“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till right action arises by itself?”
Lao-Tzu as quoted by Rolf Gates in “Meditations from the Mat”
Yesterday, I reflected on this challenge. I pondered. Mostly, I spent a lot of time thinking. For me, thinking is an activity of my mind. It is necessary to think and be in the mind at times. For me, my mind can be a scary place and I should not go there alone.
This morning, I entered my mind with my Divine Master, God. I can heave a heavy sigh of release and security. In this Divine Company, I can relax and wait.
Yesterday, I had a couple of questions: How do I integrate this process of waiting for the mud to settle? How do I remain unmoving?
I became aware that in my way of thinking, waiting and the state of unmoving, are inactive. I felt like I was in a useless state of suspension. In the company of my Divine Master, I experienced a loving and jolting message: being with me (Divine Master) is never a useless state of suspension. I am offering you an opportunity to rest. While you rest, your mud settles, your mind clears, your soul awakens, and you smell the flowers.
In other words, my mind is full of mud. It looks like:
That’s not the way I usually do things.
My teacher told me something different.
I thought I was supposed to do it this way.
I don’t like this.
Just leave me alone.
My mind is full of “ME”.
In the past I have shared my struggles with trust, listening, surrender, and letting go and letting God. Well, here I am again. If I am to be patient and in a state of unmoving, I have to surrender me. I have to surrender my liberty, my memories, and my entire will. I have to trust the love and grace of my Divine Master, my God.
To those of us in recovery, these thoughts remind us of our journeys through Steps 1, 2, and 3. We recognize our history of being out of control and trying to manage everything ourselves. We ask for help and in doing so, we come to believe in a power greater than ourselves. Then we make a decision to turn our lives and our will over to the God of our understanding.
This exercise of pondering, meditating, and entering a state of unmoving, helps me to recognize that I have been turning my life and my will over to God in bits and pieces. Further, that is just fine. That is just fine! I am understanding that I don’t know myself well enough to turn my life over to God all at once. I have to be revealed to myself. As I am, I can release a little bit more to my God.
It appears that God is the one watching my mud settle. God is the one in the state of unmoving, patiently waiting for me to make another discovery about myself. As I do, She gives me another opportunity to get out of my own way. She allows me to see another blob of mud and waits while I let it settle.
She also celebrates with me as I have a soul party to celebrate each new step on the journey. Further, She puts you there with me to join the celebration. She provides the restful waters to emphasize our gifts of peace.
So, I share a peaceful shout of gratitude to us all.