“The question put to us simply is: do I allow God to love me?”
My reflection on this question begs another question: Just who do I think God is? Or, what do I expect of God?
I apply a lot of descriptions and catch phrases to God:
Source of unconditional love.
God of infinite mercy.
Eternal and ever-living God.
God of the poor and broken.
This list of descriptors can go on and on. However, in stillness, none of these cross my being. What I am finding as I rest in stillness is myself. I find a wall of images and visions that cloud my connection to my God, my Divinity. It is very odd as I am also growing more and more aware of the evidence of God’s presence in my life and world. Yet I continue to become more and more aware that I am somehow in the way…………
There is so much stuff going on in my life. There is stuff to do to accomplish to meet the basic needs of life, right? I am on earth to serve God, right? Doesn’t it make sense that I have to be places to do this service? People affirm me. Friends and family love me.
Do you sense my struggle to put words to this dilemma?
Do I allow God to love me?
I ask for help from my sponsor and spiritual director. I read spiritual and challenging books. I go to church. I meet with my recovery fellowship. These are all sources of love. Doesn’t my willingness to ask for help suggest that I am allowing God to love me?
What more can I do?
Nothing! Absolutely nothing!
I simply have to be. Empty. Void. Hollow. Available. Do you happen to know where the instructions book is about how to be? Never mind.