“I’ve been looking everywhere for a treasure hidden at home.”
If any of you is remotely like me, we have had experiences of looking for lost items, only to find them right under our noses, or someplace embarrassingly close to our noses. Personally, at these times, I suffer a momentary pang of humility which, on my better days, quickly lapses into gratitude and I move on. During my lifelong search for self, the experience was very similar, though in a much deeper and more powerful way.
By my nature, I have believed that I needed to be in the midst of a major endeavor. The search may have been a trip into a remote, isolated place. It may have been a trial experience of sweat lodge or sacred pipe or long, silent retreat, or meditation workshops. Often, there was a mound of books by famous authors who were authorities on self-discovery or self-realization. In fact, I have done all of these things. AND, I have and continue to experience the humility of the simplicity of the final result. Each of these searches had led me to the same place: within my own soul with another simple moment with my God.
My denial and expectation of an earth shattering, lightning bolt, soul splitting spiritual volcanic explosion was always a disappointment. I was continuously left in the quiet, simple revelation of a moment of inner peace. Frequently I have screamed, “IS THAT ALL THERE IS?” The answer has always been the same: “yes”. ………………………………………………………………….. Be still and enjoy.
Well, for a hyperactive addict, stillness has never been my strong suit. I needed to act, do, fix, find, solve, control, take charge, etc. As many of us in recovery are learning, none of this brings the serenity, courage and wisdom needed to continue the day by day journey of sobriety. We come to believe in this journey. We continue our day by day efforts to know a moment of stillness in which we hear our Inner Voice, our Higher Power, and our God express the promise we so dearly need to hear: Be still and know Me. Be still and enjoy the treasure. Be still, taste, see, be the miracle I have promised.
My self-awareness is slowly changing from "do it man - fix it man" to simply being. So many of you have shared your being as mounting evidence of the reality of this promise, and I will not tire of expressing my gratitude. I will not tire of this time beside restful water. I will not tire of one more day on the journey. The treasure is right under the
nose--in the still heart.