“When I cling, it’s like I don’t believe in all God has to offer.”
Wow! This thought makes me question whether or not I even know a Higher Power, God! Lately, I seem to be developing blisters from my habit of clinging so hard to the ‘stuff’ of life. I must be dealing directly with my ego when I have somehow convinced myself that I am a faith filled man. Ah! Illusions!
Now I ask myself: Who is my God? My Higher Power? As I work step three of the 12 Steps of my recovery, I repeat: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the care of God as we understood God.” So, who do I understand God to be? How much higher is my God than me? I am obviously underestimating the level of care my God is willing to give when I recall the amount of clinging that I do on a daily basis.
At times like these, I MUST remind myself that life is a journey. Recovery is a journey. These are not goals for me to achieve. If so, where would I find the adventure in life? I remind myself that on a journey, there are people along the way, signs along the way, and many sources of direction. Some are helpful and some are not. The journey requires that I pay attention to the directions, the actions I take and the results of those instructions. The results are written in my soul as peace or dis-ease. Each will teach me the way to the next best decision.
I make decisions to cling. The practice of Yoga intensifies my awareness of the results of my clinging. Otherwise, the statement above would have had no impact. The practice of awareness is inherent in our practice of the Yamas and Niyamas. I think of ‘tapas’, the direction of my energy. I ponder ‘svadhyaya’, my willingness to study myself. I meditate with ‘ishvara pranidhana’, my decision to surrender self.
Good news! Statements like that above turn me both inward and outward. When inward, I ask the tough questions. When outward, you are all there in your willingness to share your strength, hope and experience. The result is the joy of another adventure, lesson in life. The experience of my Higher Power, manifest in you and all creation, infuses the journey with more joy and peace. Again, I am filled with gratitude.