Asking the Question

“We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God”

Step 3: The twelve steps of AA

This is a principle common to most Spiritual and religious belief systems: Give my life to God. Yet I continue to live as though I have taken my life back in to my own care and control. For me, the symptom of ‘taking my life back’ is the stress and anxiety I continue to experience each day. Sooooooo! What’s the issue? For me, there are a couple issues that contribute to the presence of stress and anxiety.

My first issue is the decisions I make. I must take responsibility for the decision I make. When faced with day to day opportunities, I turn to my own will, my own way of doing things, my own way of thinking. So why am I puzzled at the results of my way of thinking? The answer I hear continuously is: ego, ego, ego, ego………. My ego is obviously enmeshed in my decision making process. The result is stress and anxiety, decorated by judgement, expectation, comparison, disappointment, etc. All of these aspects of my ego are based on external influences. I listen to outer voices, not inner voices. I listen to the feedback of humanity rather than the voice of Divinity.

The other issue I face is my understanding of God. Well, therein lies as huge obstacle. How can I realistically expect to understand the God of our cosmos within the limitations of my brain, my being? I am slowly learning that there is absolutely no way for me to understand my Creator. I just do not have the capacity to see beyond my limitations. So what do I do?

Fortunately, there are some very simple resources available to me, to us. First, we have each other. Individually, we each possess a uniquely Divine dimension. Of course, I must open my heart and soul to allow you in. However, that is a reality that I can practice. Each of us expresses a unique aspect of Divinity which, when taken collectively, contributes to an unlimited perspective of God, Creator, Divinity, Higher Power.

Next, there is a similar expression of Divinity in each aspect of Creation: plants, animals, earth, wind, fire, water, space. I am fully dependent on each for my very existence. None of these needs me for their survival. I however, do not live without each aspect of Creation. Each bite I take, each breath I take, each drink I take provides my sustenance. Also, each is a decision to surrender my existence to something other than me. Hmmm? The water, carrot, apple, banana, air, water; each is greater than me and is absolutely necessary for my life. Each was here before me. Each will remain after me.

And yet there is more. There is the mystery of soul and Spirit. The mystery is apparently that aspect of Creation which connects us all to something greater. This is the part of life that I cannot put in to words, works, or decisions. With prayer and meditation, I can experience this mystery, but there is no control. There is only a decision to make myself available to the experience. There is only a decision to remove my mortal boundaries and allow myself to glimpse the Presence.

So……. Why the fear, anxiety, stress? Is getting out of my own way such a painful sacrifice? When this has happened, I have experienced love and grace. So why the ongoing battle? Maybe to keep me humble. Maybe to help me more fully appreciate the experience. Maybe I don’t need to ask the question. Rather, I need to accept who I am and accept the gift of the experiences of Divinity. I will practice the experience of the mystery. Thank you for your part of my mystery.

Namaste’