Taking Inventory

"Praying is changing your operating system!”

Richard Rohr: Breathing Under Water

I have heard many different perspectives about prayer, but this one stopped me in my Spiritual tracks. Over the past few months, I have been taking inventory of my expectations and finding that my frustrations, disappointments, resentments, and a variety of other emotions have been the result of my expectations. This statement about prayer has challenged my expectations of the God to whom I pray. My operating system with God has been quite casual and comfortable. I am observing that I am limiting God to my expectations and wondering why I am experiencing these discomforts. When discomforts arise, i.e. the frustrations, disappointments etc., I have been filing them away as ungodly. The end result is this stock pile of denials has accumulated in to an emotional volcano. So I call on a favorite line from my list of helpful quotes: “I will allow pain to be my teacher, and troubles to be the key to my new existence”. My reality check is the need to take this statement off of my bathroom mirror and allow it to settle in to my soul and actually learn something.

What is there in my Spiritual operating system that needs to be changed? My expectations of God? My relationship with God? My comfort zone with God? All of the above and more that I have yet to learn? I don’t have a specific answer to any of these questions. I do have a resolve to act on an apparent need to continue taking my inventory, the ongoing practice of AA steps 4 and 10. The practice of taking inventory allows me to practice change. I find it exhausting at times. This is good. In my exhaustion I can come to stillness, rest, and hear the voice of my Higher Power/God assure me. It is here that I learn the finer details of God’s will for me. I also learn to recognize the power/energy I need to continue to carry out this will, this purpose for my life of service. I get new energy in the stillness of the restful waters. I call on this power to stand up and continue the journey. I renew my gratitude for the many faces of God in my life. I take the next best step. Thank you for your face of grace on my journey.


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