“Each time we are honest, the lies lose their power, and finally the truth comes through.”
We have to face it, the life of addiction is a life of lies. We get so good at lying, we begin to believe ourselves. At least, this is my story and the same story I have heard from hundreds of brothers and sisters in recovery over the past 16 years. I heard a theologian recently state that he believes that in our human nature, we are all addicted to our own way of thinking. There is a challenge we can all take, evaluate, and act accordingly. For me, addiction is a life of lies which I believed. The lies made me feel safe – until the insanity began to unsettle my soul. There came the point of truth. My low point was my moment of truth. As many of us know, the truth will set us free.
Initially, the truth did set me free with a sense of soaring without this constant burden to weigh me down even further. Truth, the crack in my soul, allowed a light of grace to sneak through. Subsequently, the battle began. Truth, lies, truth, lies, truth, lies …………. I discovered that truth takes practice. What I didn’t realize was that I had been practicing the lies for so long that it was my nature. Lying was my nature. It is very difficult to go against my nature.
In many Christian practices, we are in the time of Lent, a time to fast - A time to go without. A time to make space for a Higher Power/God, to inhabit the space left open by my fasting. Well, if I fast from something that interferes with my relationship with Higher Power/God, I should consider feasting. I should feast on that Divine gift which fills the space left by fasting. OK! That sounds simple enough. Fast from lying. Feast on truth. Now I hear my mother’s voice: “Gregory, are you practicing your faith?” When I was away from home, this was usually the first question I heard when we talked on the phone. Well, mom passed away in 2002. However, she has not stopped calling. The question remains the same: “Gregory, are you practicing your faith?”
Today, I say to her: “Yes, mom. I am fasting from lying and feasting on truth.” I hear her smile. I feel the blessed assurance. I hear a voice saying: “Well done my faithful servant.” I settle in beside the restful waters with the rest of us who are practicing our fasting and feasting. Thanks
for sharing this space beside restful waters.